Gonzo's Nose News

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Shack's sister asks why the GN website doesn't have an announcement of his engagement
February 18, 2008		That's pretty much the whole story.

GONZO'S NOSE HIRES NEW BASSIST
March 13, 2007		Gonzo's Nose is sad to announce that Adam "Slick" Diamond, our bassist for 6 years, has decided to leave the area. Adam's last performance with Gonzo's will be at Clarendon Grill on July 7, 2007. Although we hate to lose Slick, we're psyched to have found someone who could quickly step in to keep The Nose running. (Get it? Nose running? God, I crack myself up.) Andreas "The Swede" Holmstrom comes with mack daddy credentials, having done four years at the uber-prestigious Berklee School of Music in Boston, and having played with a whole mess of national acts. Best of all, and I kid you not, he actually teaches bass...at THE SCHOOL OF ROCK. Yes, there is an actual school of rock, and it's in Silver Spring, MD, and Andreas is Professor of Rockology or something like that. Andreas has already filled in with Gonzo's at Bunker in Leesburg (he only played one song in the wrong key), and will play a few more before completely taking over the reins at our July 8 show in Lansdowne.

Shack's Bout With Idiocy
February 26, 2007		For those of you who don't know Shack, he's quite an accomplished historian who possesses a Ph.D. in History and fancies himself a problem solver and logical thinker/brainiac. The band recently gave Shack a Japanese chef's knife for his birthday. Following is an email regarding his handling of said gift. See if you can identify the part where the band almost needed to start looking for a new drummer in addition to the new bass player we're seeking. "Hey Nizzose, Thanks tons for the birthday present! Haha I called Adrian to tell him this – after auditions, I was driving home and talking to Kristan on the phone and she was like “What brand of knife is it?” and I said I don’t know, let me look. So here’s the PhD, driving through the snow and ice on Route 50 with cars all around him, holding the phone to his head with one hand, driving with his forearm, and reaching around drums in the floor of the passenger seat to find a razor-sharp knife…and THEN, when I can’t read it, and because I think the lettering might be a stylized western alphabet instead of Asian characters, I’m turning the knife around and holding it at different angles (note: eyes not on the road), until at one point the blade is pointed right at my chest. It was at that point that some current passed through some dusty filaments, and a light bulb lit up, and I said to myself “maybe this isn’t such a good idea.” I can just see it now: the airbags were fully deployed, but the poor bastard somehow has a nine inch knife right in his heart. How did it happen? Anyway, I’m not dead, so thanks! Shack"

"This Band Goes to Eleven" Apparel!
November 20, 2006		The Nose is kicking off our 11th year with new merchandise for you to ponder. For months now you've been waiting for our next line of workout clothes and pjs- cause let's face it, you really only wear the band's clothing to the gym or to bed. Now you can have yet another item to choose from when you're trying to decide how best to look before you work out or before you work someone else out. We've got a brand new design and new color (or lack thereof -we're talking black instead white this time) in store for you in the form of t-shirts, baby doll t-shirts, and yes ladies (and maybe some men) thongs in all sizes! We have these already available at shows and at our online store.

Jen Prell, Director of Accounting
March 23, 2006		BEING JEN PRELL -- A FARCE Dramatis Persona Jen Prell, a blonde Scene I: the lobby of a modern office building Enter JEN PRELL, wearing her coat, talking to herself Whew! What a long day. Glad it's finally over. Can't wait to get some Wendy's and unwind by re-reading Harry Potter for the 14th time, with my dogs piled on top of me. Feels in her pockets Oh crap -- where are my car keys? Shoot, I might have left them up in my office when I took my wallet out. Ug -- I don't want to walk all the way back up there. Well, it's a good thing that I always carry a second set of keys, since I always misplace the real ones! I'll just leave the original set upstairs and get it tomorrow, and I'll use these backup keys. Wow! All that planning finally paid off! HA! I out-thought mySELF! Enters the parking garage Maybe I'll have white celery and salt for dinner instead of Wendy's. Hmm. Reaches her car, unlocks it, and gets in Holy cow -- it's HOT in here! Even though it's only in the 30s outside, it's like 80 degrees in my car! What's this? Someone's keys are in the ignition! And the car is RUNNING! Dawning comprehension Oh wow! I've left my own car running in the garage for the last TEN HOURS! Sure hope I have gas to get home! La, la, la! A note from the editor: if you have stock in the Discovery company, GET IT OUT NOW.

Shack invited to join AARP
December 6, 2005		So Shack and Slick have this running bet about who's going to die first. You might think that's kinda morbid, but it's all in jest. Each of us has reason to believe that past abuse of our bodies has shortened our time here on Earth. So anyway, Adam's side of the bet gained a bit more credence today when Shack received, in the mail, a solicitation to join the American Association of Retired Persons. What the F&#? "Dear Mr. Stephen Spishak, Our records show that you haven't yet registered for the benefits of AARP membership, even though you are fully eligible." The letter even came with a preprinted membership card! What the F&#?