New bass player:   last night was the trial by fire for our new bass player, Adam Diamond, who has spent the last three months trying to get up to speed on 120 songs.   Without complaint, and in fact often with a smile, he spent the last month practicing twice a week with the full band, suffering picky comments from everyone (mostly Shack).

A smashed guitar:   I wish I could say this was one of those Who-like grab-the-guitar-by-the-neck-and-smash-it-over-your-head-onto-the-floor things, but as usual, the truth of Gonzo's is less than sensational.   At the end of the night, the DJ who played during our set breaks (and yes, he was called "DJ Hanging Chad."   Really.) yanked one of his cables hard enough to knock over Adam's electric/acoustic bass guitar.   This sort of thing happens all the time, but here (Adam's first show!), the result was pretty much the totalling of the guitar:   the neck was almost cleanly separated from the rest of the instrument.   Negotations are underway.

Roadblocks, police, and secret service:   not as exciting as it sounds.   (I've learned from the media that the purpose of a headline is not to summarize a story, but to deceitfully lure the reader into the article by promising salacious details that don't really exist.)   Because of Bush's inaugural parade and the general chaos of the city, many streets, including the one we needed to be on in order to actually show up at the event, were blocked off.   We had been told that we would have trouble getting to the building because of the DC Police, and that once at the building, we'd have trouble getting inside because of the Secret Service.   We were particularly worried about our sound and light guys, who were going to show up with unmarked vans full of electronic equipment!   In fact, we basically ran the roadblock (no cops in sight), and had no trouble getting into the building (no secret service that we could see) (then again, they're secret, so who knows?), and the biggest incident was trying to find parking.

A legendary '80s musician:   remember the J. Geils band from the '80s?   The guys who brought us "Freezeframe" and "Centerfold? "   Well, these days J. Geils is playing in a jazz group called the Garry Beaudoin trio, and they were supposed to be playing in one of the other ballrooms at this ball.   Being a cheesy cover band that plays '80s songs, we were looking forward to meeting a Real '80s Person.   Unfortunately, two days before the event, Garry Beaudoin apparently fell and broke his collarbone, so the group couldn't perform.

Beauty pageant winners:   why were Miss Texas, Miss Virginia, Miss Maryland, Miss Virginia, Miss Delaware, and Miss DC at this event?   Who knows?   But they were easy on the eye.

A moon-walking astronaut:   the master of ceremonies was Buzz Aldrin, one of about twelve people who have set foot on the moon.   We've got pictures of him with our Gonzo mascot in the background; you'll see them soon.   It was also his 71st birthday.

The secretary of state:   again, this is pretty much a lie.   Colin Powell was on the list of people who was supposed to attend (hence the need for the Secret Service), but he didn't make it and two of the sponsors of the event read a statement that he had intended to give himself.

Local television:   okay, I'm actually telling the truth here.   Reporters from at least NBC and FOX were at the event, and friends tell us that the band got some airtime on the evening news -- some in the background, but also several lengthy shots just of us performing!

Global webcasting, jumbo-trons, and closed-caption subtitles:   even better than local news, however, was the fact that the entire event was webcast to the entire globe.   Hanging in the middle of our ballroom was a 360 degree camera, and anyone logging into the event's website could manipulate the camera to view whatever part of the room (including us) that they wanted to.   Apparently the traffic on the site was pretty serious.   Also, there was a giant screen hanging above the band which was projecting the band as well as some interviews about the event.   Someone had the unenviable job of quickly typing out everything that was said -- including song lyrics!   The poor bastard didn't have a prayer keeping up with Adrian during the Barenaked Ladies "One Week" but did a remarkable job otherwise -- even spelled "Spishak" right!

Automobile 360s in the snow:   what's the best thing to do after a show, when you're exhausted and there is snow on the roads?   Drive for half an hour to get to an IHOP, that's what.   So here's Adrian, fishtailing down a completely unplowed, unsalted, unsanded route 50, with Adam Diamond in the car behind him.   Looking in his rearview mirror, Adrian suddenly sees Adam's headlights shoot sideways, followed by Adam's brakelights shooting sideways, and finally followed by Adam's headlights again.   How and why Adam Kinevil managed to pull this off (good thing there was no one else on the road) remains a mystery.

Unbelievable feats of fitting drums into a 1995 Escort:   let's put things in perspective.   Every time Gonzo's plays a gig, a miracle occurs, as Shack dimantles Big Blue, his eight-piece double bass drum set, and fits the whole thing, with hardware, electronics, cymbals, and a 10 foot by 8 foot carpet, into a 1995 Ford Escort hatchback.   Needless to say, every square inch of the car is used.   After Saturday's show, we realized that we had several friends with us who had taken the Metro into DC to see the show...and now would be stranded unless we could get them in our cars.   By making an unholy pact with the devil, Shack managed to free up enough space to get another human being into the passenger seat.   The Guiness Book of World Records has been contacted.